I Ain't Ever Going Back
I just had an interesting conversation with my son. You know, Jesus Christ?
God (me): Jesus, a certain person who posted on my site was wondering about you and when you plan on returning.
Jesus: Does this have to do with your stupid Blogger page again?
God: My son...
Jesus: Don't 'my son' me. It's all you've been talking about: 'My blog, my blog, my blog.' Mom is even getting tired of hearing it.
God: Thou shouldn't speak of my blog in such a way. It's been a great outlet to speak amongst my people. Those who believe and those whose faith has waned. Even those who think I'm some zit-faced child sitting in the basement.
Jesus: It is pretty pathetic. Like anyone is going to believe that God, the Big G, is going to set up a blogger page and just start posting like some sort of loser who think they're life is worth a spit.
God: All life is sacred, after all we're...
Jesus: Yeah, yeah. 'We're all God's children.' I've only heard THAT a thousand times.
God: My son. You're avoiding the first question I asked of thee.
Jesus: What? What question?
God: People want to know when thou art coming back to be among my followers and those that hold you in high regard.
Jesus: You want to know the truth?
God: I command it.
Jesus: Yeah. Great. Well, the truth is...I ain't ever going back.
God: That will be unsettling news for legions of followers. Most believers have prophesized that you would return. Besides, didn't you say you would come back someday?
Jesus: Misquote. Before I blasted out of there, I told them to 'get a good look at my back' since I'd had enough of their version of hospitality. They all mistook it as 'I'll be back.' No way I'm going back there. Forget it, Dad.
God: Hmmm...
Jesus: Not like they'd believe it was me anyway. Look how many kooks claim to be me. They're scoffed at and most of them end up in psych wards. I'm plenty happy up here.
God: For now?
Jesus: (sighs) Probably forever.
So, I know a lot of you have been waiting for my son, your Lord Christ Jesus to come back. I can honestly say:
It's going to take some convincing.
Well, I should sign off. It's taco night at St. Augustine's.
Keep on keeping on, as they say.
God (me): Jesus, a certain person who posted on my site was wondering about you and when you plan on returning.
Jesus: Does this have to do with your stupid Blogger page again?
God: My son...
Jesus: Don't 'my son' me. It's all you've been talking about: 'My blog, my blog, my blog.' Mom is even getting tired of hearing it.
God: Thou shouldn't speak of my blog in such a way. It's been a great outlet to speak amongst my people. Those who believe and those whose faith has waned. Even those who think I'm some zit-faced child sitting in the basement.
Jesus: It is pretty pathetic. Like anyone is going to believe that God, the Big G, is going to set up a blogger page and just start posting like some sort of loser who think they're life is worth a spit.
God: All life is sacred, after all we're...
Jesus: Yeah, yeah. 'We're all God's children.' I've only heard THAT a thousand times.
God: My son. You're avoiding the first question I asked of thee.
Jesus: What? What question?
God: People want to know when thou art coming back to be among my followers and those that hold you in high regard.
Jesus: You want to know the truth?
God: I command it.
Jesus: Yeah. Great. Well, the truth is...I ain't ever going back.
God: That will be unsettling news for legions of followers. Most believers have prophesized that you would return. Besides, didn't you say you would come back someday?
Jesus: Misquote. Before I blasted out of there, I told them to 'get a good look at my back' since I'd had enough of their version of hospitality. They all mistook it as 'I'll be back.' No way I'm going back there. Forget it, Dad.
God: Hmmm...
Jesus: Not like they'd believe it was me anyway. Look how many kooks claim to be me. They're scoffed at and most of them end up in psych wards. I'm plenty happy up here.
God: For now?
Jesus: (sighs) Probably forever.
So, I know a lot of you have been waiting for my son, your Lord Christ Jesus to come back. I can honestly say:
It's going to take some convincing.
Well, I should sign off. It's taco night at St. Augustine's.
Keep on keeping on, as they say.
posted by God at 9:38 PM
4 Comments:
Hey, G. Decided to start praying here as a sharing thing, so that it's not just you and mes. S'okay? Anyhow, Our Father- creative spirit and infinite mind of all universal matter, give me my inspiration and enlightment, so that your will may be reflected in my actions in my mortal existance, forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us and lead us not into temptation, but guide us from spiritual emptiness, yours is the power and the glory, always and everywhere, amen. I want to be guided towards doing the most to assist in the conversion of the creative spirit into productive good in the lives of ordinary people. I will open my heart and mind; please inspire me.
Thankyou.
Hellman, my son...
Thy will be done. Patience, my boy. All will be revealed and will make sense when the time is right. Stick around and you'll see.
Yes, I'm being cryptic, but that's the best I can do right now.
Thanks for the comment/prayer.
Signed,
Big G
Do You mutter "I damn it" when annoyed?
The Moslems claim that Isa will return to lead the forces of good against the forces of evil at the end of days. The Christians claim the same thing, only they pronounce his name Jesus. Each group regards the other as the forces of evil. If and when Joshua bin Nazerene makes a return visit, for which team will He suit up?
Interesting questions, Emptyman.
I actually don't mutter anything when I'm annoyed. If I want to damn something, I just do it. LOL!
When Jesus does decide to go back (but it isn't looking good right now)he's not going to suit up for ANY team. Believe it or not, he doesn't play favorites. It's the sad, insecure ones down there that put the competition in religion. Besides, those people will have come and gone by then and I'm sure their factions will be reworked and changed 7 times over.
Religious competition...my God is better than your God. *sigh* Personally, I see no point in it.
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