Prayer From Madge, Age 53
This one came in last night while I was out having a smoke.
Oh Heavenly Father,
Please guide me through the day, learning and growing closer to you and your holy word. Know that while I'm not a perfect person, I strive to earn my place in your glorious kingdom with you and your beloved son, Jesus Christ.
Lead me Lord, to the path of righteousness and allow me to worship and strengthen my relationship with you as each day brings me along the path to become one with the Holy Spirit.
In your name I pray. Amen.
Wow. A couple of the apostles and I got a kick out of this one. While I always appreciate the prayers (especially those that don't ask for anything) I actually think this is pretty sad.
Now whilst you don't know Madge like I do, I can tell you readers of God's Blog that I get 7-8 prayers like this from her DAILY. When she's not praying to me, she's reading the Bible. When she's not reading the Bible, she's shopping at the religious book stores for Jesus bookmarks, collectible plates with pictures of the Virgin Mary on them and other various 'holy' items. She doesn't watch any of the good programs on the TV and sleeps with a rosary clutched in her hand.
Sad, isn't it?
It was never my intent to have people devote their ENTIRE lives to me. I mean, what kind of egomaniac would I be if that were my intent?
Yes. I created each and every one of you, but that doesn't mean I want you to spend every waking moment praying, studying and hitting every church service, mass, revival, etc available.
Even my boy Jesus, agrees: Enough is enough.
What's the point? Are you trying to 'out-holy' thy neighbor?
Here's some tips from Me:
Be a decent person.
Try not to kill anyone.
Treat others well.
That's all you really need to do. I'm not going to send you to fry and burn if you don't dedicate your entire existence to my presence. Seriously. I'm not such a bad guy. Those crazy religious evangelists on TV have got me all wrong. Vengence, wrath, spite. Just not my style.
And besides, when you act like Madge does, we kind of laugh over it up here. You don't get extra credit for being a religious kook.
I have spoken.
Oh Heavenly Father,
Please guide me through the day, learning and growing closer to you and your holy word. Know that while I'm not a perfect person, I strive to earn my place in your glorious kingdom with you and your beloved son, Jesus Christ.
Lead me Lord, to the path of righteousness and allow me to worship and strengthen my relationship with you as each day brings me along the path to become one with the Holy Spirit.
In your name I pray. Amen.
Wow. A couple of the apostles and I got a kick out of this one. While I always appreciate the prayers (especially those that don't ask for anything) I actually think this is pretty sad.
Now whilst you don't know Madge like I do, I can tell you readers of God's Blog that I get 7-8 prayers like this from her DAILY. When she's not praying to me, she's reading the Bible. When she's not reading the Bible, she's shopping at the religious book stores for Jesus bookmarks, collectible plates with pictures of the Virgin Mary on them and other various 'holy' items. She doesn't watch any of the good programs on the TV and sleeps with a rosary clutched in her hand.
Sad, isn't it?
It was never my intent to have people devote their ENTIRE lives to me. I mean, what kind of egomaniac would I be if that were my intent?
Yes. I created each and every one of you, but that doesn't mean I want you to spend every waking moment praying, studying and hitting every church service, mass, revival, etc available.
Even my boy Jesus, agrees: Enough is enough.
What's the point? Are you trying to 'out-holy' thy neighbor?
Here's some tips from Me:
Be a decent person.
Try not to kill anyone.
Treat others well.
That's all you really need to do. I'm not going to send you to fry and burn if you don't dedicate your entire existence to my presence. Seriously. I'm not such a bad guy. Those crazy religious evangelists on TV have got me all wrong. Vengence, wrath, spite. Just not my style.
And besides, when you act like Madge does, we kind of laugh over it up here. You don't get extra credit for being a religious kook.
I have spoken.
posted by God at 6:23 AM
12 Comments:
As far as I know, that online casino that bought it off of Ebay is the only one that has one. It's definitely a collectable, my son.
Mary herself thinks it's a hoot.
Hey God, I was just wondering. What did you think of the movie "Dogma"? There are some people who got all antsy about it, but I thought it was pretty funny.
Does that make me a bad person?
Blessed Panda,
Dogma? I think I saw part of that on cable sometime last year. It was okay, however it wasn't as 'abrasive' or 'controversial' as they built it up to be. A lot of my more SERIOUS followers got their undergarments in a twist over nothing.
Salma Hayek is easy on the eyes though, isn't she?
God, can you hook me up w/the power to shoot electric bolts out of my finger tips like the badass Sith lords? I want that.
You're kidding, right? While I know you're a decent lad, Nicholas, I don't know that putting that kind of power 'at your fingertips' (LOL!) is a very good idea.
Hey dude, this is an interesting idea for a blog! It would be really cool if God really did have one...The REAL God. :)
But think about it for a minute...If you're really a christian, then you've probably grown up with the verses hammered into your skull and you know that Jesus Christ is Lord of all and that jazz, and you'd also know that what you said in this post was wrong. Yes, we have to be "decent people", and we shouldn't kill anyone, and we should definiatly treat others with respect, but there's something called the "10 commandments" which God himself asked His people to follow, and there's a LOT more than just those three things on there. And, if you really know God, you'd know that He never contradicts Himself. ;)
Blessed be, Cristi.
I understand what you're saying, but look a little more closely at my '3 Commandments.'
'Be a Decent Person' covers quite a few. Think about it. Compare it with the version you've been taught through life that I allegedly 'gave Moses.' I think you'll find that most of them fall underneath the 'Be a Decent Person' category.
As for taking Sunday as a day to worship me. Eh. You can or you can't. Thou must remember, I made all of you and if I am in control of all of you, I pretty much call the shots anyway, right? So, if I deem that you are the church-going kind, thy will be done.
Understand, I've got quite a few people who feel like I contradict myself. What dost thou use as the basis? The Bible, of course.
Who wrote the Bible? Mortal beings.
How long has the Bible been around? Forever, basically.
Is it possible that parts were lost in translation? Changed over time? Boring parts eliminated? Absolutely.
If you want a tip on what to believe or how to believe, it's simple. Follow your heart. As I've said before, the Bible is mostly a book of ideas. Ideas of how I put this all together along with some stories about my son, Jesus.
Hmmm. Me thinketh this should be a seperate post.
Hey "God"! :)
You have some interesting stuff to say! I'd love to email with you to figure some stuff out, is that cool? My email is Dew_it_4_Him@yahoo.com. I'd love to talk to you some more. :) Be there, or be square! :P
<>< Christi <><
this is old, but ...
jesus left us with one basic commandment "love others as i have loved you."
man, that's pretty simple.
e+
Amen, Eric.
Although, Jesus REALLY loved all of you. It's pretty hard to live up to that.
Just do what you can, My son.
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