Exclusive: Tsunami Press Release

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Transcript of Tsunami Press Conference
Time: Earlier This Morning

Saint Francis of Assisi: Ladies and gentlemen, if you could just find your seats, God will be out here shortly to answer your questions regarding the tsunami in Asia. Thank you for your patience.

(God enters in a cloud of bright, beautiful light. Flashbulbs flash and microphones wave in the air as the crowd jumps to their feet, asking questions on top of each other. After St. Frank calms the crowd down, God takes the podium.)

God: Thank thee for coming this morning. We'll start with you in the robes.

Reporter from Holy Handbook Weekly: God, why has a thing such as this happened? Are you punishing the people of Earth?

God: Absolutely not. As I've indicated before, I tire of people referring to 'God's Wrath' or that I 'Work in Mysterious Ways.' This has nothing to do with wrath or me trying to educate the world on some trivial idea. What happened was an accident.

Reporter from The Jesus Journal: An accident? Don't you think 100,000+ people destroyed is more than a mere accident?

God: Please, watch thy tone. The accident came from a flaw in the earth's design. When I created it, I didn't forsee this happening a handful of millenia later. While it may seem like negligence on my part, I assure you I've done my best to maintain some semblance of order.

Reporter from Good God!: But aren't you truly involved in all that happens to your creations?

God: Of course, my son. However as powerful as I am and as powerful as the zealots on earth have made me out to be, I cannot control everything as every single moment. God gets busy, too.

(there is animated shuffling and conversation in the crowd)

God: That didn't come out right. I'm not saying I'm too busy or unfit to rule over all of mankind and my creations, but this has been a trying time for everyone up here in Heaven. The party we threw for Jesus, the increased number of prayers, etc. I'm afraid to say, I'm a bit understaffed.

Reporter from Cloud 9 Publications: So you blame this disaster on being busy?

God: Well, yes. And the Devil.

(the crowd is unsettled and there is much commotion)

Saint Francis of Assisi: No more questions.

(God disappears in a blinding light and a chorus of angels rocking out on harps)

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