Too Preachy
My Children,
It seems that from time to time, I end up going on a tangent about the Bible or about what my followers choose to do with their short time on the mortal earth. I apologize for that. I didn't start this blog to be preachy.
There are enough folks walking the earth filling your heads with religious lessons and what-not.
Today, I thought I'd post some highlights from a typical day. While I know it's difficult for you to comprehend that there is no such thing as time, let alone days or years here in Heaven, I'll make it seem as though that were the case. When you've got eternal life and just happen to be the supreme power in the universe, that's just how it is.
Morning - After a long rest, I get up, stretch and get the paper. While it would be easy enough for me to just 'know' all that's going on in the world, I like to actually pretend I don't have every bit of information at my fingertips. It's more interesting to me to find out what's new. Also, I like to read the comic strips.
And no, I don't like the Family Circus. That Bil Keane fellow is trying too hard.
For breakfast, I usually drink some white grape juice and a eat a bowl of Oatmeal Crisp. I wasn't sure I was going to like that cereal, but what a pleasant surprise. Crisp flakes, juicy raisins and little clusters of oatmeal. It's a taste sensation.
Noon-ish - While I get a constant stream of prayers and pleas for help, I tend to really knuckle down and listen to them around the noon hour. Part of it is that a lot of the saints and folks up here are at lunch and it's a good time for me to spend some quiet, quality time with my followers. If I'm feeling up to it, I'll make a miracle happen, just to keep people guessing.
'Snap!' Now a crippled boy can walk.
'Poof!' Now there's no trace of cancer in your grandmother.
'Bam!' Look at that! The dog you thought was hopelessly lost is back after being gone 2 weeks.
It's one of the perks of being God. Not a bad job. Plus, it's fun to see the looks on people's faces when this stuff happens.
Evening - This is the time when a bunch of us get together and try to keep ourselves entertained. Maybe it's a movie at Mary's place. Perhaps it's fondue night with St. Peter. Sometimes when we're really feeling creative, we'll play Lawn Darts and smoke big cigars. It's a good time for us to unwind and reflect on our responsibilities to the rest of the universe.
After that, I typically come home to check my prayers (I've got an answering service when I'm away) and go about putting hope in the hearts of those that deserve it and put a little fear into the particularly nasty ones that don't. I try not to get too 'holier than thou' when I'm working, but there are definitely those that need to learn a lesson.
You know who you are.
It seems that from time to time, I end up going on a tangent about the Bible or about what my followers choose to do with their short time on the mortal earth. I apologize for that. I didn't start this blog to be preachy.
There are enough folks walking the earth filling your heads with religious lessons and what-not.
Today, I thought I'd post some highlights from a typical day. While I know it's difficult for you to comprehend that there is no such thing as time, let alone days or years here in Heaven, I'll make it seem as though that were the case. When you've got eternal life and just happen to be the supreme power in the universe, that's just how it is.
* * *
Morning - After a long rest, I get up, stretch and get the paper. While it would be easy enough for me to just 'know' all that's going on in the world, I like to actually pretend I don't have every bit of information at my fingertips. It's more interesting to me to find out what's new. Also, I like to read the comic strips.
And no, I don't like the Family Circus. That Bil Keane fellow is trying too hard.
For breakfast, I usually drink some white grape juice and a eat a bowl of Oatmeal Crisp. I wasn't sure I was going to like that cereal, but what a pleasant surprise. Crisp flakes, juicy raisins and little clusters of oatmeal. It's a taste sensation.
Noon-ish - While I get a constant stream of prayers and pleas for help, I tend to really knuckle down and listen to them around the noon hour. Part of it is that a lot of the saints and folks up here are at lunch and it's a good time for me to spend some quiet, quality time with my followers. If I'm feeling up to it, I'll make a miracle happen, just to keep people guessing.
'Snap!' Now a crippled boy can walk.
'Poof!' Now there's no trace of cancer in your grandmother.
'Bam!' Look at that! The dog you thought was hopelessly lost is back after being gone 2 weeks.
It's one of the perks of being God. Not a bad job. Plus, it's fun to see the looks on people's faces when this stuff happens.
Evening - This is the time when a bunch of us get together and try to keep ourselves entertained. Maybe it's a movie at Mary's place. Perhaps it's fondue night with St. Peter. Sometimes when we're really feeling creative, we'll play Lawn Darts and smoke big cigars. It's a good time for us to unwind and reflect on our responsibilities to the rest of the universe.
After that, I typically come home to check my prayers (I've got an answering service when I'm away) and go about putting hope in the hearts of those that deserve it and put a little fear into the particularly nasty ones that don't. I try not to get too 'holier than thou' when I'm working, but there are definitely those that need to learn a lesson.
You know who you are.
* * *
While this obviously is just a taste of what happens in a 'day' in my 'life', it's by no means a constant. Sometimes I have toast in the morning and there are other days when Moses and I will just go and play darts most of the day. It varies.
I've had some people e-mail me and ask if there's like a big control panel I sit at with buttons to do my bidding. They likened it to the work station where Homer Simpson sits at, but instead of regulating nuclear energy, I've got switches to make the sun go down, cause it to snow, or make people suddenly drop from a brain aneurysm.
I've had some people e-mail me and ask if there's like a big control panel I sit at with buttons to do my bidding. They likened it to the work station where Homer Simpson sits at, but instead of regulating nuclear energy, I've got switches to make the sun go down, cause it to snow, or make people suddenly drop from a brain aneurysm.
No. I don't have one of those. I couldn't imagine being chained to a desk all day. It's better if I just do things 'off the cuff.'
That's enough out of me, my beloveds. I'm off to catch up on my back-log of prayers and such.
Stay righteous.
posted by God at 5:32 AM
4 Comments:
What time zone is that noon hour listening for prayers in? :P Do they click in like a call waiting or just record like an answering machine?
And thanks for just chatting sometimes - makes me feel special!
Want to get a guess in on the baby arrival time pool? (Actually, I was hoping for a hint) Tomorrow could be the day!
Glory Be, Bear.
It's a little complicated how the prayer-retrieval system works. The best way to think of it is to imagine having an internal 'answer machine' that you can access in your head anytime you want to catch up.
The drawbacks of course, are sometimes I get 'prank prayers' on there. Those jokesters.
As for the little one, well...I know when she's coming, but what fun would it be to tell you EXACTLY when? All I can say is, get some sleep Grandma Bear.
Wow God what a day! Lillian Mae is beautiful and healthy. Her mother showed the strong stuff she was made of. Lilly was born into a room filled with love and gentleness that stretched across the air all over the world! Thank you Lord the health and safety of all of our families and the gift of Lilly.
Let's all give a BIG HALLELUJUH AMEN!!!!!
Amen to that, Grandma Bear.
You know, it's moments like the birth of your granddaughter that make even the most hardened non-believers believe that I exist and that I'm not such a bad fellow.
Told you it was going to be a late night, didn't I?
- Big G
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