The Pope Is Going Buck Wild.
Glory be, My Children.
The prayers have been ringing off the hook over the last month or so about the Pope, or as I like to call him: Karol. Lots of prayers with people crying their eyes out, which baffles me. He was a good guy and secured his place in the velvet rope section of Heaven.
So what's with the tears, faithful followers?
Karol/Pope was a shell of the former man he had been say, twenty years ago. Time has a way of catching up with you, which of course, is all part of My plan. Trust Me, you don't want to stay down there forever. I don't care how many E.L. Fudge cookies you're promised.
People, it's like this: you're given a set number of days at mortals to do your thing. Some of you will have more time than others. Some of you will waste your time. Others will make the most of it. When it's all said and done, you get a score. Do something nice, you get a point. Act like excrement, you lose a couple.
Simple concept. Helps me weed out the good from the bad.
The Karol/Pope scored a 149/200. Not a shabby score.
So, instead of being a withered and beaten old man, ol' Karol has been going crazy up here. He's got his mobility back. He's not breathing out of a crazy straw. Believe it or not, he's not even wearing the hat anymore.
In Heaven, the Pope is just one of the guys.
He and Mother Theresa have been tearing up the town, cracking jokes, hitting all of the holy hot spots, and just kicking back. While I never said they had to live a life of sevice unto me, they're feeling like they've payed their dues and are living it up.
Last night, Karol had so much Schlitz beer, he couldn't hear. Later on, he impressed everyone by doing a backflip and landing in a dumpster.
The man is a complete cut-up.
I took him aside and asked him how he felt leaving the mortal coil. Was he sad about all of the mourners? Did he wish he could send them a message so they could move on?
Karol simply said: "Eh..."
Bottom line? The Pope has gone buck-wild. He's the life of the party up here.
Ah...I must retreat. St. Peter said there's a fire on the Westernmost cloud bank.
That Karol!
The prayers have been ringing off the hook over the last month or so about the Pope, or as I like to call him: Karol. Lots of prayers with people crying their eyes out, which baffles me. He was a good guy and secured his place in the velvet rope section of Heaven.
So what's with the tears, faithful followers?
Karol/Pope was a shell of the former man he had been say, twenty years ago. Time has a way of catching up with you, which of course, is all part of My plan. Trust Me, you don't want to stay down there forever. I don't care how many E.L. Fudge cookies you're promised.
People, it's like this: you're given a set number of days at mortals to do your thing. Some of you will have more time than others. Some of you will waste your time. Others will make the most of it. When it's all said and done, you get a score. Do something nice, you get a point. Act like excrement, you lose a couple.
Simple concept. Helps me weed out the good from the bad.
The Karol/Pope scored a 149/200. Not a shabby score.
So, instead of being a withered and beaten old man, ol' Karol has been going crazy up here. He's got his mobility back. He's not breathing out of a crazy straw. Believe it or not, he's not even wearing the hat anymore.
In Heaven, the Pope is just one of the guys.
He and Mother Theresa have been tearing up the town, cracking jokes, hitting all of the holy hot spots, and just kicking back. While I never said they had to live a life of sevice unto me, they're feeling like they've payed their dues and are living it up.
Last night, Karol had so much Schlitz beer, he couldn't hear. Later on, he impressed everyone by doing a backflip and landing in a dumpster.
The man is a complete cut-up.
I took him aside and asked him how he felt leaving the mortal coil. Was he sad about all of the mourners? Did he wish he could send them a message so they could move on?
Karol simply said: "Eh..."
Bottom line? The Pope has gone buck-wild. He's the life of the party up here.
Ah...I must retreat. St. Peter said there's a fire on the Westernmost cloud bank.
That Karol!
posted by God at 11:45 AM
4 Comments:
What's your take on rosaries? Does it really matter how many Hail Mary's we say?
Is there only Schlitz in heaven? If so, I hope it tastes better there! If not, does that mean there is hope of my margaritas for eternity?
Rosaries? I'm glad you asked, Dumb Ol' Nick.
As an all-seeing and not-such-a-bad-Guy-type of God, I've always been really more concerned in quality as opposed to quantity.
20 rapid-fire Hail Mary's aren't nearly as effective as one from the heart HM, you know?
Hello Bear,
No, there isn't only Schlitz in Heaven. We've also got Blatz, Hamm's and last week St. Joseph got his hands on a case of Red Dog.
I didn't realize they still made that swill.
Margaritas? We'll see how you behave.
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