It Isn't Always Harps And Happiness Up Here
All Ye Faithful,
I know it's been written in your Bible that Heaven is a kingdom of riches and eternal happiness and all of that hoo-hah. But, since I've opened up quite a bit since creating this blog, I'm here to tell it to thee straight:
It isn't always harps and happiness up here.
Last night was no exception.
As you know, every once in a while a handful of the Apostles like to invite Me to a fondue get-together. It's a nice time. We have a few drinks, dip assorted meats and cheeses into the pot of savory sauce and chat it up.
This was the fondue set up. Nummers!
It's important for Me to take a break every now and again. Trust me, being the all-powerful, super-jock creator that I am isn't easy.
Well, leave it to Moses to crash the fondue party.
First of all, I must say that I get along with Moses. He's a good guy, a little dillusional and melodramatic at times, but he means well. The problem that I've got is that when he's had a few too many drinks, he feels like he's got to drag the old 10 Commandment tablets out and parade around the room.
Not the best rendition, but shows Moses
with his beloved tablets. What a kook!
Well, if you know St. Matthew, as I do, then you know he doesn't like it when people act 'holier-than-thou' and that's just what he thought Moses was doing.
Next thing you know, St. Matt's breaking a Schlitz beer bottle over Moses head and shoves him to the floor. Moses, goes down like a house of cards, knocking the table the fondue pot is on. The fondue sauce splashes St. John and he's steaming mad.
The worst part? One of the tablets broke. I can't remember if it was 1-5 or 5-10. Not that it matters. Those weren't some of My best work anyway.
Moses gets up, and roars and raises his arms, like he did when he split the Red Sea. The only thing that manages to split was the water and ice in the beer cooler. St. Matt puts up his dukes as though he was going to haul off and give Moses what-for.
St. Johnny, his robes soaked with sauce, dives across the room and tackles Matt like he's a rag-doll.
This was when they threw St. Matt out. As you can see, a
full-on brawl was about to start. Thankfully, Jesus tossed
him out.
What started as a nice night with some good friends has caused some strife up here. Moses is still crying the blues about the broken tablet. I told him I'd whip up another one, but he wasn't consolable. St. Matthew has been banned from further parties and his snot-box is swollen up pretty good. St. John bruised his knuckles from pounding Matt.
Good lord.
I know it's been written in your Bible that Heaven is a kingdom of riches and eternal happiness and all of that hoo-hah. But, since I've opened up quite a bit since creating this blog, I'm here to tell it to thee straight:
It isn't always harps and happiness up here.
Last night was no exception.
As you know, every once in a while a handful of the Apostles like to invite Me to a fondue get-together. It's a nice time. We have a few drinks, dip assorted meats and cheeses into the pot of savory sauce and chat it up.
This was the fondue set up. Nummers!
It's important for Me to take a break every now and again. Trust me, being the all-powerful, super-jock creator that I am isn't easy.
Well, leave it to Moses to crash the fondue party.
First of all, I must say that I get along with Moses. He's a good guy, a little dillusional and melodramatic at times, but he means well. The problem that I've got is that when he's had a few too many drinks, he feels like he's got to drag the old 10 Commandment tablets out and parade around the room.
Not the best rendition, but shows Moses
with his beloved tablets. What a kook!
Well, if you know St. Matthew, as I do, then you know he doesn't like it when people act 'holier-than-thou' and that's just what he thought Moses was doing.
Next thing you know, St. Matt's breaking a Schlitz beer bottle over Moses head and shoves him to the floor. Moses, goes down like a house of cards, knocking the table the fondue pot is on. The fondue sauce splashes St. John and he's steaming mad.
The worst part? One of the tablets broke. I can't remember if it was 1-5 or 5-10. Not that it matters. Those weren't some of My best work anyway.
Moses gets up, and roars and raises his arms, like he did when he split the Red Sea. The only thing that manages to split was the water and ice in the beer cooler. St. Matt puts up his dukes as though he was going to haul off and give Moses what-for.
St. Johnny, his robes soaked with sauce, dives across the room and tackles Matt like he's a rag-doll.
This was when they threw St. Matt out. As you can see, a
full-on brawl was about to start. Thankfully, Jesus tossed
him out.
What started as a nice night with some good friends has caused some strife up here. Moses is still crying the blues about the broken tablet. I told him I'd whip up another one, but he wasn't consolable. St. Matthew has been banned from further parties and his snot-box is swollen up pretty good. St. John bruised his knuckles from pounding Matt.
Good lord.
posted by God at 5:49 AM
4 Comments:
barfights and longheld vendettas?
heaven sounds pretty cool to me.
e+
I never liked St. Matthew anyway. He's the kind of guy that would always catch a fish that was "THIS big".
"I give you these fifteen *crash* err, ten commandments"
Hey, hey, now St Mattie has his good side. That gospel thing held my short attention span--not a mean feat. They say he was the shortest of the disciples & I'm inpressed he was able to shut Moses up for a second.
C'mon, Dudes, forgive! Group hug and fondue all around!
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